Confessions of a Grateful Growing Human – Relax, Slow Down, Ask for Help

Day 2

My message is that I need to relax and slow down. If I can’t relax, then I need to ask for help. I haven’t done these things today.

I prepared for my soon to be 7-year-old’s birthday party tomorrow, and haven’t really stopped until just now. I’m exhausted, but still feel the need to write about it. I yelled at my kids tonight, and I feel awful. I apologized, and know I’ll make amends over time, but I’m still so heavy hearted about how that must feel. I keep calling myself a gentle parent, but for now I’m just not. I’m heartbroken with that knowledge. My hope lies in my ability to come back to what my heart wants to say, and hold them close. I’m eternally grateful I can return to showing them all the love I have for them.

I’m hormonally altered by perimenopause, triggered by past trauma, and generally sensitive. I’m in a weird season of life, with rage surfacing unexpectedly, yet I’m still containing a fair amount of joy and grace. To call it a roller coaster would be insufficient.

So why do I share about all the hard times? There’s that lesson. The one about relaxing, letting go, and asking for help when needed, that’s what I gleaned from today’s insanity. I’m addition to all of that, I’m being made aware of the transient nature of our difficulties. My oldest daughter is highly sensitive, deeply empathic, and understandably excited about her upcoming birthday celebration. We are cut from the same cloth in so many ways, and the two of us often bounce energies off of each other. We are both fiercely stubborn about letting out all of our feelings. When her big event passes, I’ll be available to hold her, supporting the release of all of it. I’ll know that whatever I’ve done to prepare is more than enough.

It’s nearly midnight where I am at the time of this writing. I knew I had to say something before getting some necessary rest. I could have delved into the messy details, but I think my leaning toward gratitude is energy well spent and much more useful for anyone reading. Please be gentle with yourselves. We can only do so much, and most days we’re spectacular. Take breaks, cry hard, laugh even harder, relax and enjoy the ride. Have a party for a 7-year-old. Now that’s a way to find some joy.