Falling Together

What’s so amazingly awesome about everything seemingly falling apart? So better things can fall together (I borrowed a variation of that quote from Marilyn Monroe). That sign in the photo is courtesy of a thoughtful Eugene community member who posts uplifting messages near our local Trader Joe’s. “Thermos Be a Way”. I agree. Here we go…

1) With the current instability of my government subsidies, I’m aware that I most likely need to get a job, whatever that means for me at this point in my life. I can make money in myriad ways now, so the sky’s the limit! I’ve got this. Really, I do. What’s most amazing is that I did only a tiny bit of footwork, yet I’m not stressed about it. Attitude is everything, and small actions are still actions.

The berries in the muffins (the best part)? I already wanted to let go of subsidies, even in the midst of appreciation when I’ve truly needed them. Supporting myself and family is where I want to be. So, in a twisted way, I can thank the butthead moves of a particular self-centered human who wants walls instead of bridges. How’s that for a silver lining in the ominous clouds? Wow, I’m kinda on fire right now. Or I’ve just lost my mind and have nothing more to lose. Perhaps both. 🔥😂😭

On a more serious note. I’m beyond grateful to have privilege to survive and get through this hardship. And I’m willing to share what I have with others who don’t. Because I’m not an asshole and I have something to give. I love you all. Please, ask for help and I promise I’ll be there. 💜

2) I spent the most peaceful evening with my dear children. I engaged them in helping me bake some delicious muffins I’d never made before, they played and had a dance party, when my Apple Music actually worked. Speaking of which…I was initially not seeing any access to my playlists, thinking my free trial was over and all of it was erased. I was disappointed, yearning for simpler times without the fancy technology that can instantly break down. Then, without much prompting, it all came back. Note to self: take pictures of the lists, get back up CDs, write it down. Way to remind me to simplify for myself. Thanks Apple.

Why did I have such a relaxed evening? Was it my recent intake of celery juice, that’s been said to reduce attachment to drama? Is it because I’ve had psychic readings that have shown me new ways of dealing with my anger and rage? Or I let them help me and do things for themselves? Maybe all of those things. Whatever it was, I’ll take it. We even got through nail clipping with very little fuss. Amen to all of that.

3) I’m letting go of things I’ve wanted so badly to hang onto, like justified anger, disappointment, idealized relationships, expectations, outcomes and results, future plans, and regret. Today has been a reflection of my hard work, my dedication to improving my life, getting unstuck by unraveling previously held beliefs that have not served me, and allowing a little sadness and grief on their way out.

What a wild ride I signed up for. Thanks to all my angels, guides, past lives, and fellow humans right here, who are with me on the journey. Amazingly Awesome, indeed. 🔥🌟🔮💥⏰🕉🦋🌹🌈🦄💜

Buried Treasure – Tangled Web of Words

Day 10

I’ve recently become aware of some unhelpful things I keep saying repeatedly out loud when I’m frustrated. I’m messing with my mojo. I can’t manifest anything good with that shit. So I decided to change. It’s weird, I know. I mean, is it really possible to change my language, and my life, just like that? Yes! I’m living proof. And I’m going to tell you how.

After incessant complaints that kept repeating themselves, I reached my limit. My intolerance about whatever situation warranting the habitual negativity or martyrdom is getting tiresome. That’s part of the gift. The other part is that I listened to someone about something seemingly unrelated, and one day I woke up. That’s right, it was as though I had awakened from a bad dream. I suddenly heard myself saying the same crappy things all the time. Like every day. Now I magically pause, think of something else to say, and use that instead. Out loud. Our words are important, folks!

That someone is my friend Vanessa, who sees my questions and situations in pictures surrounding me (she’s psychic, so she gets visuals). I got a few messages from her about boundaries, compromise, emotional holding, and anger. That was all from me asking somewhat unrelated questions. My energy just shows up like that, especially if I’m grumbling all the time. All I did was ask questions and was willing to accept the answers. Apparently, it’s working. I’ve calmed down. It’s like a switch turned down or completely off. I choose different words that will support and balance me, and my children hear all of that instead of the angry garbage. It could be something as simple as me changing “what the f***?!” to “Wow, that’s surprising”. There was water on the counter tonight and I was initially pissed off. To say I’m a little tense lately would be an understatement. I survived the puddle of 2018. 😉

Watch your words. They really can make a huge difference. I found a new approach to life’s conundrums and mishaps. I feel a lot lighter letting go of all of that. I still have some kinks to straighten out, but I’m on the road to a more relaxed way of being in the world. It makes me want to giggle just a little. Why? Because life is not that serious after all, right? 😜💜

Confessions of a Grateful Human – Let’s Just Get Real

Day 29

Ok, I confess. I’m growing tired of doing these posts. I’m also really rewarded by writing them, so here I am again. 😉 Have you ever felt like misery would stay with you forever? Admitting I’ve been once again going through the mucky stuff of life doesn’t exactly feel like a gratitude post, but since when is everyone always chipper and positive all the time?

So that’s apparently what I’m going to talk about. Shit happens. Sometimes we need to let go or be dragged. I’m currently experiencing the latter. I can’t let go of all of the things, right? Or can I? Maybe I will eventually. What I’m most grateful for is that I’m present and aware, living life with a clear mind, or I wouldn’t be feeling all these big feelings so hard. I’m fully alive. Yay me. No, really, I appreciate the raw, hard core nitty gritty. It means I’m about to break open and grow a little more, bringing healthier behaviors. That, my friends, will open new doors for me. I can be happier and more at ease, making me a better friend and mama. I can be of service to my community. It’s all good, I can feel it coming.

I’m not writing to please anyone today. I don’t need your fucking approval anymore. I’m not saying It that way because I’m angry. That’s actually progress! I’ve cared what people think of me for too long. Now I’m finally free. This year, I stopped wearing makeup, shaved my head, started wearing leggings with fun patterns (oh my word, why didn’t I try these comfy pants sooner?), and made a video that will be on my friend’s website (I usually don’t like doing videos of myself). I had no hesitations about any of it. That’s because I’m ready to be authentic and real and raw, all the time. I’m also willing to have some fun expressing my true self, which has just come out of hiding. The air is fresh out here!

I had some huge unexpected emotional upheaval today, after a perfectly lovely morning. I’m not sure what’s going on, but it seems to be a big catharsis that’s unavoidable. Although I’m fighting it, feeling sad and mad and generally unwell, I know it’s really good for me. Like, amazingly good. I’m digging deep, getting to the heart of my imbalances, and releasing. It’s amazing how all the situations came together at just the right moment, exposing my darkness to the light and liberating me.

I think you’ll find that all of the things which no longer serve you will eventually fall away, leaving you with who you are meant to be. That’s what’s happening to me right now. There are some habits and behaviors I don’t need, but can be temporarily comfortable because they’re familiar. But if I continue holding onto them, I’ll stunt my growth. And I want to grow. So off they go, and here I come. Like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. 🦋

Confessions of a Grateful Growing Human – Spiritual Toolkit

[photo taken outside of our apartment complex a few weeks ago, October 2018]

Day 23

I’m grateful I can break out my spiritual toolkit anytime. I have a multitude of tools for living well, and use at least one every day.

Today was an emotional train wreck, despite that shiny toolkit I carry around with me everywhere. It started with me taking something so personally, I couldn’t find a way to get past it. That must have been the wrong tool from my rusty old toolbox, because I kept trying to make it work and it just wouldn’t fit.

Some days are like that, if we let it happen. There’s a tiny part of me inside holds the knowledge that I can turn it over or start over at any moment. I didn’t. That was still a lesson in what not to do if I want serenity.

Ok then. Back to that spiritual toolkit. I’ll have to do a review. I could breathe deeply, pause for a couple of minutes before speaking, or step away if possible (which was part of the issue today, couldn’t escape the little people long enough). Beyond the basics, I have prayer, meditation, dancing, fierce determination to change my thoughts and subsequent actions, gratitude lists, singing, and much more.

Why don’t we save ourselves from heartache and stress when we know we can? Are we more comfortable sometimes with the drama we say we want to avoid? Perhaps. Or maybe I’m just tired and grumpy and don’t feel like working so hard. Whatever the reason, I always get a lesson. I get to choose whether or not it will be painful or joyful. Hmm. Tomorrow will be the latter.

Pick up your toolkit. It has all sorts of useful strategies and behaviors to keep you healthy, calm, and peaceful. Even if you’re a rebel like me, maybe have residual self-defeating habits, it’ll still work. But you have to pick it up and use at least one thing. Fill it with new tools when you learn something new. They work every time. 🛠⚖️🔮

Confessions of a Grateful Human – Words Matter

Day 19

I’m thankful for consistently calling myself out on behavior that doesn’t serve me or my children, most particularly in regard to how I speak. My recent accountability is astounding. I’ll give you a little peek into sort of what I’m talking about. I say “sort of” because some of it is ethereal and just too hard to gauge. Sometimes it’s as simple as one word that needs elimination.

I’ve been using the word “ridiculous” at least 17 times a day for months, no exaggeration. This evening I caught myself saying it about half a dozen times in 2 hours! Paying careful attention to my words came from a message during my afternoon meditation. I heard in no uncertain terms that “words matter” and to “watch my words”. It was the voice of Kyle Cease, an inspirational speaker and meditator I respect. He conveyed that I’m making it hard to manifest stuff if I’m always talking like that, and if I want a change then I need to start with me.

Have you ever suddenly noticed that you’re complaining all day long, or that things always fall apart after you start grumbling? It happens to me every time. I’m aware it’s happening but can’t seem to control it. That’s about to change, because I know I’m in charge. I’ve been reminded that my words have power, that what I say carries energy that can change everything about my current reality. What I say to myself, my family, all of you on social media and the blog world, people I meet at the grocery store, carries a message. Is it going to be a message that serves me or knocks me on my ass? I get to decide.

I can hold a vision of myself living on my own land in my custom made geodesic dome, but will lose it when I talk like I’m a hopeless mess because the kids got ink all over their clothes while I was trying to cook, and I’m hungry, and blah, blah, blah. Notice a trend in my recent blogs? 😉 No, really. It’s all starting to sound like blah x 3 when I’m moaning about one situation or another. Why not flip all of that around and appreciate the kiddos entertaining themselves for a long time while I cooked our yummy dinner? Reframing is just as important as watching words.

I made a choice today, to take back my power through what I say. I’m giving me energy to what’s working for me. How about you? What do you want? Does what you’re saying to yourself or others prevent you from living up to your fullest potential? What could you say instead? Drop a comment below with any insights or experience on that. Your words matter, too. ✨

Confessions of a Grateful Growing Human – Let Love Begin With Me

Day 9

Ok, I had time to sleep on it, and have more to share. I’m about to double up on the gratitude posts today, so I can keep up with my how to write for every day in November. Giving myself the gift of sleep was exactly what I needed to find a topic.

Today I’m talking about self-care and self-love, and how we can nurture ourselves all the time. I also want to emphasize the importance of asking for help from our community of support. That could come in the form of friends, family, 12-step groups, churches and other support groups, organizations that help the underserved, and government subsidies.

Since my parents have been visiting, I’ve had an opportunity to fill myself up with much needed social time, meditation, writing, solitude, uninterrupted chores and errands, and a 12-step meeting. I’ve been able to see where I’ve needed fulfillment, and took some action to make it happen. For instance, I’ve never hired a babysitter and just gone out by myself. Sure, I have some time when they’re at school, but that’s time set aside for work related stuff, grocery shopping, and other errands. I met with a young woman I know from Orion’s school, and know that Orion’s best friend’s sister is also available. It’s about time I take advantage of that.

The other thing that keeps screaming for attention is sleep. I need to get my butt to bed earlier. I’m gentle with myself when it comes to a lot of things (definitely great self-care to go easy on myself), but I need to be more disciplined about bedtime. I’m setting a limit for myself. When I get more sleep, I’m a much better parent, friend, and human. I deserve that, and so do my loved ones.

In short, self-care comes in many forms. I can choose to take some loving action on my behalf, and others will benefit. My relationships flourish and I feel more motivated to participate in life.

Where can you take better care of yourself? Have you examined those areas of your life? Are you willing to put yourself first? We can’t pour from an empty cup, a wise person once said. Once you fill your cup, you have so much to give. I used to say “let love begin with me and flow outward to others”, to remind me to fill up before giving out. Maybe I ought to start saying that again. Take care of you, my dear friends. 💗

Amazingly Awesome, things, part 2

Days 10-18

10/10/18
Day 10 of Amazingly Awesome things:

1) I’m grateful that I’m not in charge of everyone. That’s too much for me to do, and it’s not my job anyway. How people act or what they say, think, or feel is none of my business. What a relief.

2) I’m feeling abundant lately. Nothing has outwardly changed. It’s my spirit that’s filling up, and that has made all the difference.

3) I love being able to watch videos of extraordinary people doing wonderful things, like the doctor who dances with his young patients. If I’m going to participate on social media, those inspirational videos are a must. I’m filled with hope and joy watching people being good to one another.

Studies show that when someone demonstrates an act of kindness in front of others, those who witness it are also more likely to do something kind. I’ve watched that happen when I’ve seen someone give money or food to a person in need on the side of the road, then the next driver decides to give. I’ve watched after I’ve given help, and see the next person offering. Our actions have a ripple effect on each other. So let’s spread that kindness all over the place. 💖

Sweetest of dreams, y’all. ✨🌙

10/11/18
Day 11 of Amazingly Awesome things:

1) I’m grateful for intense personal growth. I feel like I’ve mentioned that somewhere before, maybe in one of posts a few years ago. I’m not always happy about it, but I’m grateful.

You know how I told you all I did a partial fruit fast? Well, I’m so done trying to “cleanse” or “detox”. The reason I bring that up is because I’m super grumpy all of a sudden, after riding a spiritual high for a few weeks. I feel very little motivation to dance, to organize the rest of the class, even write my gratitude lists. I’m short with my kids and generally miserable.

I’m hungry. It’s about time I figured that out. That’s the problem, and there’s a simple solution. All I have to do is choose to fill up, whether it be with food or activities that make me feel good. If I’m hungry, I eat. That’s what all of my favorite Buddhist monks would say. It’s time to keep it simple again, get back to basics. It’s clear to me (and my psychic friend) that I’m holding feelings. My diet could use some slight tweaking, but it’s not my core issue. I’m grateful to know I’m out of balance and due for some emotional release. Here we go, another fucking growth opportunity. 😜

2) I love hot showers. I cleanse, clear, and connect under hot water. I inevitably find answers to life’s questions while showering. I also have a chance to let go of anything that no longer serves me, or someone else’s energy that I accidentally pick up. Sometimes when I forget some information, I’ll instantly recall when I get in the shower. Isn’t that so great? Anyone doubting their ability to meditate, go take a shower and pay attention to what comes. It’s magic.

3) I’m constantly amazed at how easy it’s been to have a little story to share about 3 things that rock my world. I’m also impressed at my willingness to continue the practice, despite feeling not so fabulous.

*Bonus: I wrote 3 things! Some of you are gonna read it and relate and love it like I do. Go me.

Excuse me while I go have all the feels. And maybe a banana.

Rest easy, my friends. See ya on the flip side.

10/12/18
Day 12 of Amazingly Awesome things:

Let’s see how long I’m gonna keep it up. I’m aiming for 30 days so far.

1) I love community. I was grumbling the other day about no one cleaning up our laundry room. I kept sweeping the floor begrudgingly, resentful that I’m “the only one doing it”.

One day I decided that I would choose to be a part of a community, that I was simply sweeping my laundry room floor. There was no difference in my actions taken, only how I perceived it. If I crave community so much, why don’t I act like I’m in one, even if others don’t? I live in a huge apartment complex, and none of us got to choose each other as neighbors. But if I want community, I’ll need to choose to take some action. And so it is…each time I do laundry, I sweep the floor so my clean clothes stay clean when they inevitably fall out of the dryer. I sweep in silent appreciation that I’m taking care of myself and caring for our common area. Inevitably, my anger dissipated and now I feel more connected. It’s a win-win.

2) I got to meet a teeny tiny 6-week-old baby tonight. She reminded me of those tender times with my littles when they were that wee, as she sprinkled magic everywhere with her presence.

3) I love my friends. I mean, they’re just the best. I feel listened to, nurtured, and deeply connected. We laugh, we comfort each other, and have fun. They also cook me yummy food.

Have you ever felt like time is irrelevant when you’re with some folks? I hardly ever check the time when we’re together. Letting go of my usual routine and being in flow is so beneficial for me. Most days, I seem attached to what time to be home, when to eat, go to bed. Sometimes it’s ok to change it up, live a little, and relax. I got to do that tonight. My big kid is having a blast having a sleepover with her bestie, and I will go to bed knowing that I’m blessed with a couple of Amazingly Awesome friends.

Signing out before 11pm, because sleep is awesome, too. Sweet dreams ✨🌙 😴💜

10/13/18
Day 13 of Amazingly Awesome things:

1) I’m being brave when I start something new, like teach a class. I’m really a bad ass for doing that, even if it may seem like no big deal. For me, to follow through and actually teach dance and meditation is quite significant. It’s not surprising that I ebb and flow when it comes to making it come to fruition. I’m used to having lots of grand ideas without going any further. I’m grateful I can see my self-imposed road blocks, and start knocking that shit out of the way.

2) I meditate. I can quiet my mind for a period of time. I watch my monkey brain try to work things out, hear my voice chattering, and give my mind about 5-10 minutes to allow all that dust to settle.

I hold crystals in both hands and my eyes are closed. Sometimes I doze off, which is perfectly acceptable. His Holiness the Dalai Lama once said that falling asleep while meditating is a good message that you need rest. I know that I won’t always get mind blowing insight or a deep spiritual knowledge imparted. I still benefit from it each time. I crave the simple things such as these experiences. And so I keep meditating. I stay mindful throughout the day, reminding myself to be present in each moment, and usually focusing on my breath brings me back to center.

3) I pay attention to what my body needs, most of the time. When I forget, my body gives me gentle reminders or rude awakenings. Tonight it’s the gentle variety. I’m very tired, from a full day and for ignoring my body’s needs yesterday. I committed to writing these lists for at least another 17 days, so I’m on social media to share my gratitudes with you. Maybe I’ll add some precious photos taken today at the rose garden, then I’m snoozing.

*Bonus: writing these lists takes about 10-17 minutes, and the benefits last 17 zillion times longer. Another bonus: when I’m passionate about something, I use hyperbole so I can really get my point across. Triple bonus: I used the number 17, which has made many appearances this year. So there’s that.

Quadruple bonus: even with Venus in retrograde, I still managed to not hurt anyone today (including myself…edit: with exception to slamming my finger in the closet door). I made it!

I adore all y’all extraordinary humans. Be well. ✨🌹🌈🦄💜

10/14/18
Day 14, y’all…Amazingly Awesome things:

1) I love roses. We visited the rose garden here in Eugene yesterday, and I was reminded of my rose pruning days back in 2010 in Santa Barbara. People used to ask me all the time how I knew where to clip. I told them, “I listen to the roses and they tell me”. Roses are especially hearty, so if I wasn’t listening particularly at times, they would survive a few too many cuts.

The point here is that I pruned roses successfully by paying attention to Nature and my intuition. My assigned plots included a couple of my favorites. They’re named Sweet Surrender and Falling in Love. They both smell delicious. Falling in Love has stems covered in thorns. I found that an appropriate title.

I’m grateful for my time pruning roses. I was fully present, enjoyed the sunshine, and learned a lot about caring for them. 🌹💜

2) I’m an excellent cook. I roasted potatoes and beets, and made what my friend baked me a couple of nights ago, with garlic, zucchini, mushrooms, peppers, and refried black beans. Everything was scrumptious and easy to prepare. My kids ate the beets. Dinner was a win this evening.

3) I love my cozy things this week. It’s getting chilly around here lately, especially early morning and late at night. Comfy clothes, preferably layered, are my fashion statement from now until April. I’m pleased. 🍁🍃🍂

*Bonus: Sleep is high on my list of priorities. I need more than ever these days. Maybe I was a bear in a past life. I feel the urge to hibernate, only for a shorter term. On that note, I wish you sweet dreams and goodnight.

10/15/18
Day 15 of more Amazingly Awesome things:

1) I’ve been having reminders to cherish my favorite people while they’re still here, since we can’t ever guarantee when our physical bodies will die.

I had a realization of impermanence and the importance of being present in each joyful moment. I was standing with Noa at our front door, getting ready to go out and retrieve our laundry. I looked at her in amazement (as I often do), and vowed to stop wasting our precious time complaining or trying to get it all just right. To my admission, I failed miserably at all of that once Orion came home with big feelings. I tend to take it personally, especially when I’m tired or vulnerable in some ways, too. Anyway, I’m still aware, and that’s cause for celebration.

I have a deep knowing that our human experience is only one of many, but I’m pretty attached to it at the moment. So, if I’m going to be staying here for a bit with these phenomenal children, I might as well make the best out of it every chance I get.

2) I’m almost ready to start dancing and meditating with students! I’m about to finalize my plans to rent a space. I only need to load some songs and advertise and I’m good to go. I’m actually following through and I’m stoked on that. Yay me.

3) I typically don’t waste time, unless I fall into the social media vortex (this time of night is very tempting). If I were able to watch myself from another’s view, I think I would see a very efficient person with a great memory for details and a creative streak. I would see that I actually take good care of myself most days, which fills me up to give to others. My heart is overflowing with a boat load of love and service, ready to share.

I’m incredibly hard on myself sometimes, so I probably can’t always see that I’ve really got my shit together. I’m a single mom and I still manage to do all of the things, pretty much all the time. As I washed my last dish, I noticed. I paused. I had to at that point because my head was kinda crazy and I was angry about all of the things. If I don’t take a moment to reflect, I may crack into 17 thousand tiny pieces. Instead, my heart softened as I shifted my focus onto feeling love for my kids. I gave myself recognition, for putting one foot in front of the other for the whole day.

I feel it’s important to build ourselves up and celebrate our accomplishments. I’m not just talking about winning a game or passing a test in school (although that’s fine if it feels good for you, yay). I’m telling you to look at the tough emotional roadblocks you just got around, over, or through today. Pause for a moment and celebrate that.

Because here’s the thing. We humans are truly only on a short ride. If we don’t enjoy it, our experience will be so hard! I know, because I’ve lived that way before. I’m finally lightening up and laughing, dancing away my pain, opening chakras I never knew I had (ok, I knew they were there, but now they’re expanding!), and generally having more fun. I’m loving more deeply and telling the truth. Can’t wait to see what else is coming. Wahooooo!!!

Today was actually a great day. Hot damn. 💥

Be well, my friends. Sleep is good, dreams are magical, waking up happy is my intention.

Day 16 of Amazingly Awesome things:

1) I’m incredibly grateful that Orion and I got to participate in Operation School Bell with a bunch of other families. We all got a significant amount of money toward school clothes. The program comes from the Assistance League here in Eugene. They have a thrift store, btw. That’s where the funds came from. Isn’t that awesome? Since it was at Fred Meyer, I just had the weirdest night, but it definitely ended well and left me feeling warm hearted and blessed. Except for one person upon arrival, everyone was kind and helpful. I have so much more to tell about that experience, when I’m well rested.

2) I love meeting people everywhere I go. I talk with people at grocery stores, on the street, at the gas station. We are all connected in some way. I haven’t forgotten.

3) Sometimes being succinct is best. Brief and direct usually aren’t descriptive terms for me, but I’m working on summarizing and getting straight to the point. It’s refreshing.

*Bonus: I’m going to bed before 11pm tonight, because I practiced being brief without losing rich, engaging content. At least I hope that’s what I just did there.

Night has fallen, so rest your weary body. Your dreams await, and soon you will be flying with the unicorns and faeries.

10/17/18
Day 17 of Amazingly Awesome things:

1) Oh how I love seeing number patterns. And for some odd reason, this year and I think part of last has included the number 17. I usually see numbers like 11:11 et al, but there’s trusty 17 hanging around as well. I’ll have to dedicate a post entirely on numerology sometime. But I’m currently dedicated to being succinct and getting to bed at a reasonable hour. So, yay for numbers.

2) I trust people all the time. I think I attract trustworthy people that way. I also know that I have a very healthy bullshit detector permanently installed.

If I ignore the BS detector, like when I hum a tune while plugging my ears (just kidding, I really just try super hard not to look into their eyes and do a good bit of acting), I may actually believe the lie. Truth be told (because I really can’t lie very well), I have such a strong desire to believe, that I’m also quite good at forgetting.

Is that a blessing or a curse? I guess it depends. Trusting people is hopeful and wonderful, and can help a relationship grow and flourish. It can also make dishonesty glaringly obvious, if I’m paying attention. As much as I try to look away or whatever, I can’t ignore what my intuition tells me. I’m grateful for trusting and for my BS detector. Balance is key.

3) A cat joined us on our walk today. If I’m not ready for pets of my own, I can always borrow someone else’s for the day. What a treat to meet a new furry friend who insisted on following us for blocks before stopping at home. At least I think they live there. My life is filled with neighbor kitty friends these days.

I miss my cats. They were all so close to my heart. My last one to go was my sweet Lucho. I’m convinced that he keeps sending me cat friends to fill my life with joy. Kitties are the best.

*Bonus: I guess if Im writing, I’m a writer. 17 days in a row of writing about awesome things is a good way to remember that. I’ve been writing for over 41 years. That’s a good number.

10/18/18
Day 18 of Amazingly Awesome things:

1) I exercised, and it felt so good. More accurately, I danced! I spontaneously decided to test out my first class playlist this evening, and wow was that a good workout! I’ll need to shorten it so I have time for meditation, writing, and reflection, but it’ll still be close to 30 minutes of moving that body. Ooh yeah! I’m a good tired, finally. I need to keep doing what I’m doing, because it’s working for me.

2) I made a testimonial video for my friend Vanessa Smith’s group Beneficially Bossy – Psychic Readings for the non-woo. Now I’m giving a shameless plug, because she’s ahhmazing. Go check out what we’re doing over there. Seriously, do it. She’s on Facebook, where I originally posted these.

The reason I’m sharing about the video is two-fold. Like I said, I want you to get a reading from her because I care about you, I love her and she’s rad. Here’s the other thing. I swear I would never try a video anywhere else during any other time in my life. I’m so not into doing videos of myself. I think my face looks crooked (it actually does in certain lighting) and I can see all the weird little things I do with my face when I talk. So I went for it anyway, which is progress. When I watched a play back, I saw what I like about myself. I love my eyes, and my voice sounds soothing and clear. My face is still a little diagonal (that is so odd for me to notice that!), but I don’t care. I’m trying big and little things that are outside my comfort zone, and it’s super healthy for me. Like eating an apple a day, I vow to do one new thing every day, because I want to grow.

3) It’s 9:37, and I have a choice. I could stay on Facebook, scrolling mindlessly, be up until 11 and wake up grumpified. Or, I could finish writing, turn my phone to airplane mode and go to sleep, maybe after a quick meditation, reading or gratitude list. Choices, choices, all but one will be good for me. I choose earlier sleep. Besides, I just got one of those foam pads to sleep on (I’m a floor sleeper, and it’s added comfort). I’m reminded of an appropriate quote for the occasion: “Two roads diverged in a wood. I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” ~Henry David Thoreau.

May you sleep deeply and dream sweetly, and awaken refreshed and ready to start a brand new, fabulous day (from the blessing I tell Orion every night).

*Bald is Beautiful*

[written on 5/26/18, the day after I shaved my head]

Goodbye hair, hello freedom.

For all self-identifying womyn, I highly recommend shaving your head at least once in your lifetime. I feel amazing…empowered, sexy, and liberated beyond my expectations.

Why did I shave my head? I did it to let go of all the constraints of society’s expectations of me, face my own insecurities, and because it felt really good.

I did it to honor the self-identified womyn who had no choice. I did it for my dear friend Andrea, who, before she left us last year, had to cut her long, beautiful hair for cancer treatment. And I did it for all of the others who lost their hair from chemo, or other health conditions like alopecia.

I did it because womyn have the power to change the current paradigm that still operates under some assumptions about what beauty is supposed to look like. Shaving our heads is growing in popularity and acceptance, but still can be seen as unattractive. I’m ready to let go of my history, and start rewriting our collective story.

I’m in the throes of a midlife transformation. I’m ready to cast off whatever isn’t working for me, and allow space to breathe in new life. At 46 years old, I don’t want to waste the second half of my life worrying or acting out old traumas and insecurities. After committing to shaving off all of my hair, I can see that my level of commitment to other things is getting stronger. Just this week, I’ve amped up my writing, and shared it. What have I been waiting for? This seemingly small act has long lasting implications, and I’m eternally grateful. I’m bold, I’m bald, and I’m beautiful. Here’s to living boldly. Here’s to recognizing my true beauty. Here’s to being real and raw and embracing unabashed joy.

Yes, taking off my hair did that for me. Isn’t that amazing?